Because of you, SDD.

This topic might be too much for one blog post, but it is something that I haven't thought about for awhile, and I have been thinking about it more often because it's nearer to me than it has been in a really long time, so I'll write. It's death. Dying. I can't tell you the last time I thought about dying, really dying. It's just something I keep at arms length, but it's not at arms length anymore. A dearest friend of mine, who is my family, her father is dying, and this is why I am thinking of death. She has been thinking about it for miles and miles now. She has been talking with other friend's whose father's have died, and she said that two of these friends have asked this question separate from one another, "Why is it that we have such a great man, a great father, and he dies far too young, and then you have these real jerks on the earth living without a concern until what seems like eternity?" The reason why is this: Death does not operate on either/or scenarios. Death does not standby and say, "It's either this great dad, or this jack@ss." Death is not choosy, he just chooses. He does not operate with a mind of fairness. His bottom line is this...we all go. However that is to look for each one of us is however that is to look, but death does not concern himself with who is great, deserving, unworthy, of no value, a favorite. That's a dog chasing its tail kind of question. Sometimes those "why" questions are. I'd like to wrap this post up with something about Jesus, but nothing is coming to me right now, so I'll leave you with a question and a thought that I do think about often, and that is: At the far end of my life, where would I have wanted to spend my time? Would I have wanted all those journal pages to be designated to writing about those five extra pounds I couldn't get rid of? Would I have wanted good space to be wasted on things that in the big scale do not matter? Love somebody well. Serve somebody well. Let someone know that you super think they are great. Bake your hubbie a cheesecake because it's his favorite. Send your friend pretty earrings because it's simply sweet. Tell your dad you celebrate him and that you have for umpteen years. Go matter to someone. Let someone matter to you. Commit to the things that matter. Do it for life. Do it for life. Do it for life.

The need for a Sabbath on a Tuesday.

Do you ever feel like maybe if I do absolutely nothing today, it will help me do everything tomorrow? Because I'm kinda feeling like I have LOTS of things to do, and this makes for little motivation when you don't really feel like doing any of it right now. I'm tired. And my mind has been working in extremes lately. And I hate that way of thinking. It really bugs me. A life being minimized by either/or thinking. Either I do this, or nothing. Either I don't do this, or everything. Trappings (said in a highpitched, singsong voice). My greatest hope is simplicity...and probably rest. I need all the mantras, mottos, trite saying's of every motivational speaker out there. And while I'm at it, I'll take it one day at a time;-).

Family growing.

Gotta crack up at my mom. She is very excited about her dog having puppies. So much so, that through Annie's pregnancy my mother would send me CLOSE UP pictures of Annie's teets. All of a sudden on my cellphone up comes "mama" signaling to me I have received something from my mother. I'd open the phone and, WHALAH, six of Annie's teets. YUCK!!!! I told her she really needed to minimize these kinds of pictures. Now, since Annie has had three babies, I receive pictures of these crazy looking sea creatures, like baby seals with major wrinkles, tied with ribbons around their necks signifying two boys and a girl. It's really very sweet, but I am very glad the pregnancy is over. Whew:-).

Conditioning. Not the hair kind.

How conditioned are we to fear? How conditioned are we to be in a hurry? How conditioned are we to doubt? Conditioning comes from sooo many places. The neighborhood you live in. The family you grew up with. The relationship you we once apart of. My best friend lives in a big city. She has lived there for 7 years. She's planning on moving to another city, but just not as big. Her once highspeed race to catch a train, bus, taxi, will no longer be needed once she moves. The new city won't call for it. She will be conditioned to hurry, but the new place has no need for it. She can try, but the people and the scene are just far more laid back than what she's used to. My neighborhood gets a lot of police activity. A lot to me, but maybe not a lot to others. I don't walk it as casually or as much as I used to. I look over my shoulder more. It will be strange to move (and hopefully live) in an area that I don't feel the need to do that. I watch other people run, jog, stroll in other parts of the Triangle and they don't look as skittish as I feel. I envy them. My husband came back from a year long deployment to Iraq. Any noise I would make in another room of the house, Ess Gee would immediately ask, what's that?!? And I'd be like, um, Lovey, I was pulling up the blinds. OR I'd be like, uhh, I accidently dropped the lid to the pot?!? He was conditioned to fear noise due to the environment he was a part of for that year. What I pray is that when I start responding to my life solely out of the conditionings of my life, that I would stop for a minute, and then respond out of more true place. I have said before that what I feel like I need most is for the reality of a situation to begin to match up with what goes on in my head. Because so many times reality is trumped by my conditioning. I need to be more like, "Oh, yeah, I don't need to rush. The world still spins around everyday and I don't have a thing to do with it. Stuff will get done." Or, "Alright already, there is not a thief hanging around every corner, or every bush. It's gonna be okay." Or, "I am loved today, by a big, huge God today. And that's enough today. And that will be plenty today."

Running low, but filling up.

These past few days we have been low on groceries, only because tomorrow is shopping day. I go food shopping every two weeks, but you can really get creative when you are working with little. For our side dish salad for supper;-), I cut up ripe and ready pears and added mandarin orange poppy seed dressing, and come to find out, I could have eaten this all night. And then on a whim (not necessarily because we were low on milk, but just because) I decided to dip an Oreo cookie in some hot, strong coffee, and I came out of the situation smiling. I rarely eat Oreo's now, but, let me tell you, there was a time I had to give them up for Lent. We had pasta the other night, traditional, nothing fancy. Marinara with added basil, fresh from my porch planter, and then sauteed onion, along with turkey Italian sausage. The meat goes the quickest when it comes to any pasta I serve, because as most Americans my husband is a big believer that meat is the entree. So, to stretch this pasta out for his lunches, I added meatballs when we were low on sausage. A true makeover:-).
Whenever I need to juice up my recipe repertoire I head to the library. The library is a fantastic place to test out, be inspired, dive into a collection of good food ideas. I recently picked up The Splendid Table's How to Eat Supper by Lynne Rosetto Kasper and Sally Swift. The Splendid Table is also a radio program on National Public Radio. I have listened to Lynne for many years while also receiving her many email recipes. I turn the pages of this cookbook like I'm reading the Dead Sea Scrolls:-). I am very particular about the cookbooks I choose. I don't want lists and lists of ingredients, I'm not that fussy. I do want pictures for almost every dish. I do love a back story on an ingredient, recipe, meal. I do love name dropping other chef's in one cookbook, so I can explore more recipes in another. Lynne and Sally provide all of it. And it is so much fun!!!
Another good place to turn when running low on meal ideas are fictional stories. It is now very fashionable to include recipes on cakes, pastas, meatloaves in writing a fiction book, BUT before this trend came to be, I hopped on with one of my all-time favorite novels. It is in Chaim Potok's The Chosen. I have read this book three times. The meal shared among his character's is this: thick soup, fresh rye bread, onion rolls, bagels, cream cheese, scrambled eggs, smoked salmon. And for dessert, chocolate pudding. YUM!!! So simple I can smell it. Potok, I do not believe, was as intentional as some of the author's now who include recipes in their stories, but i just loved this meal, so I had to write it down. Adriana Trigiani and Jan Karon are also two authors that toss in great food pairings and recipes amongst their character's and stories. Both of these women also have their own cookbooks out.
Anyways, when low, be inspired!! There are, oh, so many good places to gain from!

S-L-O-W-L-Y gettin' it.

I sat in church on Sunday morning in Asheville with my husband beside me, along with some very some dear friends who have been walking this life with me for something like 8 years. My husband and I are contemplating on whether or not we will move to the area of Asheville. The weekend away showed me a few things about myself. Lately I have been repeating a promise that God says--"Never will I leave you, nor will I forsake you." And I wasn't quite sure why I kept repeating it...until now. Switch back to me sitting in church, jotting down sideways notes on the church bulletin. I wrote, "Jesus, you will meet us in our future. You are already there." I think I am afraid of a move because I teeter a lot on being lonely. Yes, I have Ess Gee, but, yes, I also know what it's like to start over again in a new town, new home, new job, new church, new friend's. Loneliness often times comes with new. And I have felt disconnected for quite awhile now living in Raleigh, so to go do some more disconnection in hopes to connect is cause for my timidity. I also forget how comfortable I have become with our lives' schedule until you think about taking it apart. Ess Gee works Monday through Friday, weekend's mostly off. I work part-time, my employers completely flexible with a schedule that I make. This will change. Wednesday nights have been bible study with friend's I have been doing this with for the past nine years. This will change. I have to get my mind around being uncomfortable for a little while. I have to get my mind around having to work out muscles that I haven't had to use in awhile. And that's where that repeating verse comes in. Jesus will be in that future place where I am uncomfortable and where I am lonely. He was there when I moved to North Carolina nine years ago and when I moved to Raleigh three and half years ago. He will be there in all that silence of a future I have no clue as to how to fill or how it will be filled.
He goes where we go. It's that God with us thing again.