Navigating something that shouldn't be so hard.

I have read writers who have said, "Write for writing's sake."  Or, "Write because it must be done."  "Write because you will not be true to yourself if you do not."  "Write if no one in the world reads it."  And I hear them encouraging themselves, prodding themselves (and others) along with these words, but I have yet to hear my own conviction.  Where is my conviction?  I have had friend's and teachers who have said, "You just have to write!"  But I have to ask myself where does my motivation come from, or in most cases, why does it seem that I have none?  I say I love to write, but where is my proof?  I say that I miss writing, but why do I leave myself alone without it?  I can honestly say I have asked myself if it has just been a phase in my life that I have now just passed through.  There are so many things that I could say to that, but here are just a few:

1.) I really do prescribe to the writers who say they "must" write, so even though I may not be consistent in my poetry, I have been journaling for over 20 years.  Proof of this is under our guest bedroom bed.

2.) I began to feel a little insecure by doing this nonsensical comparison between me and some friend's of mine who also keep a blog.  They have lots and lots of "followers".  Not that I do not absolutely appreciate my three,  [You three are PRECIOUS!] but three is less than 93:-).  BUT then I asked myself why do I write a blog?  And I really do it because I need an outlet like this.  My journal is good, but this is good, too.  So I do it because I have to.  Again, a must.

3.)  Probably most important, I need to not take myself so seriously sometimes.  Like when I ask myself if writing is a stage or should I stop writing because I do not have a million followers;-), I have to give myself a little bit of room and go back to 1. and 2. to remember.

  It's like any good relationship--you must tend to it, care for it, examine it, serve it, let it breath, remember it, and give it the gift of your time and energy.  And on the other side, you see how worth it it all is.